I was going to call this piece “1st time Mum Anxiety” however, considering I have had only 1 baby, I am not sure if its just as a first time Mum or whether this happens with every child??
It would be a lie if I said I wasn’t a worrier before I became a Mum because I was, but really only small silly things and it certainly did not have an effect on my life!
As a teenager my Mum gave me this picture that says, “At night give your worries to God as he will be up all night anyway” and she wrote on the back, “I think you should do this Amy, Love Mum”
It is something I will keep forever as its always a nice reminder not to sweat the small stuff.
However, when I had my little baby Bobby 15 months ago something came over me that I had never ever experienced before, in what I think I can only describe as “Mum Anxiety”.
Whether this had anything to do with a very traumatic birth, I don’t know but either way it became very evident, very quickly.
A contributing factor I have no doubt was the dreaded routine!
I knew I wanted to get our baby into a good routine, this was my new job, being a Mum to our little baby and I was going to give it 110% and from what I had heard, read etc. a good routine was vital from day one.
So as most of my readers will know, we are a family of 5 so if anyone would make noise, even my husband, I would straight away panic, get unbelievably stressed and cross and physically panic.
Sometimes even if nobody made a sound while the baby slept, I would get panicked and stressed…. makes no sense I know but the worry about IF somebody made noise would have me in a ball of stress.
This sounds so silly but very true.
If my husband mentioned a night away just us two or even a meal or let’s be honest even a walk, I would shut it down immediately as my first thoughts would be, who would mind the baby, he would miss us surely, they wouldn’t know what to do, he wouldn’t sleep etc. etc…
At one stage it got so bad that I unplugged our bell, I didn’t care who we missed calling but I was damned if that bell was going to wake him one more time.
I hated anyone else feeding him, just because I would think that he would prefer it if I did it and because I love feeding him, but I would take the good with the bad, I also would be the only one who changed all the dirty nappies and do all the baths etc. To be honest, I think my husband is quite happy with the set-up, the nappy part anyway 😊
Most things we have done since Bobby was born and to be fair we have done quite a lot was because my husband would make me, rightly so by the way because I know if he didn’t we, well certainly I, might never have left the house.
I think I can only write about this now because I feel I have turned a corner, well I am going around the bend, in a good way, I am not 100% around the corner but I am getting there 😉
Both our parents would always say oh we would love to take him now for a night, which they would, and we are so lucky for that but even them mentioning it would send my whole body into anxiety, heart beating fast, shortness of breath and just wanting the ground to open.
However, recently Bobby did stay in his grandparents and he had a ball, not only did we get sent pictures of him tucking into a leg (yes, the whole leg bone) of lamb with a huge smile on his face but when we came in the door the next morning he shouted “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy” and ran up to my husband’s arms and in that moment, I realised…..
I realised that he doesn’t actually need ME as much as I think he does and in fact it is much better for him to be shared, loved and enjoyed by all of us, all of his family and extended family and in fact how lucky he is to have them all.
Am I alone or has anyone else experienced this sort of anxiety, or is this anxiety?
Also, I would love to know if it’s the same for the next and the next baby, or is this just because I was or am a first time Mum?
Did you have someone help you get out and about and stop worrying because I have an awful lot to thank my husband for giving me a kick up the bum whenever I needed it!